Thursday, January 05, 2006

New Invention Aims To Eliminate War On Christmas

The Inflatable Dartboard Research and Design division has been working overtime to avert the disaster that looms on the Christmas 2006 horizon.

This past shopping season, much of the Christian fundamentalist angst seemed to stem from insensitive retail clerks failing to greet customers, regardless of their faith, with an enthusiastic "Merry Christmas".

With this incredibly important problem in mind, we are proud to introduce the "Faith Scan". This ingenious device, once installed at the counters of every store in every red state, scans various patrons and identifies their faiths. When the clerk sees the shopper's chosen religion on the Faith IndicatorTM, they can respond to the shopper with the appropriate holiday greeting (if any).

A happy shopper = happy retailer profits. And happy retailer profits make baby Jesus happy.